Emotional Intelligence for PMs: Leadership Skills

I've watched project managers for years now, and not for their technical ability of managing timelines. They struggle because they lack the emotional intelligence required to set them apart from other project managers. It is the most significant reason.

Most PMP certification training has to do this, but they do it to a fault and do not emphasize this enough. It is how well you identify, understand, and regulate emotions, yours and the team's, that affects the outcome of a project positively. Emotional intelligence alone drives 90% of the reason why people get promoted when the technical know-how and the IQ are at the same level. That is huge.

Being nice and not having tough conversations is not emotional intelligence. It is understanding the art of project leadership, the human side, and achieving the desired outcome.

Goleman was the first to identify the emotional intelligence of leaders and how it is critical to the success of a project. He identified 5 traits: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills. As a project manager, you have to master each to improve how you lead your teams, and, ultimately, how you deliver your projects. Strong leaders never act without thinking; they show emotional intelligence. How about you?

Self-awareness is essential for what is to follow. It is impossible to control emotions that are not recognized. When stress is high and a deadline is approaching, self aware PM's take a second to recognize their own stress before responding.

Self-awareness can show up in many ways.

• Knowing when frustration affects your ability to make rational decisions.
• Understanding which members of the team cause you to feel anxious.
• Recognizing and admitting that you are biased toward a certain outcome.
• Knowing how you feel during certain stages of a project.

I once watched a PM criticize their team for being late on deliverables, when in reality, it was the PM who hadn't created a schedule for the deliverables. Self-awareness is what prevents this type of situation.

Lack of discipline is a normal part of projects. It happens. The scope can expand. Budgets can get cut. Resources can be pulled. How you stay calm during this type of chaos is when your team will either be more confident in you or lose confidence in you.

Self-regulation refers to the ability to manage one's own response. If a vital team member leaves mid-project, self-regulated PMs deal with the anger internally, then communicate with the team a clear path to move forward.

Techniques to self-regulate include:

• Taking a moment to respond to emotionally charged emails
• Brief relocation when things get tense
• Calm, steady breath control in challenging meetings
• Look at the disappointing outcomes as a chance to learn something new

Types of project risks are relevant in such situations. If emotional issues can be avoided, they are risk factors, and in such cases, a cold, analytical view is taken to determine if issues can be avoided.

Motivated PMs finish tasks, and they go the extra mile to achieve the best possible outcome because it is important to them, and their self-determination drives that feeling. This type of motivation is a great booster, especially in challenging moments.

In my experience, motivated PMs possess the same characteristics. They are the ones who achieve optimism and keep the entire team motivated, even when there are obstacles. When PMs keep their focus on achieving the project beyond a mere deadline, the entire team's motivation and focus on achieving the goals surge.

Motivated PMs also possess the characteristics of aiming at perfection and avoiding redundant workflows with meticulous project management plans.

When it comes to empathy, it does not mean to go with the agreeing side of the decision and not make the decision that is needed. It refers to taking a distance and understanding others' points of view. It is the combination of the emotional and the logical.

Empathetic project managers are often the first to notice a team member's struggle prior to a dip in performance. During status updates, they can identify signs of burnout and confusion. This awareness not only helps team members but also enables project managers to proactively address potential issues, which are often among the leading causes of project failure.

Empathy development as a PM

• Open-ended questions during one-on-one meetings
• Active listening, without planning a response
• Recognizing factors outside the scope of work
• Fostering feelings even in disagreement with the conclusion

Empathy, like other soft skills, is learned during the PMP certification, while the other skills, like the application of project control, are taught in the classroom.

Combining strong social skills with empathy and emotional intelligence is what makes a project manager great. The ability to moderate a conflict demonstrates the application of the other skills, rather than a simple understanding of the theory.

Demonstration of strong social skills

• Ensuring everyone is heard during a meeting
• Addressing conflict before it escalates
• Managing project-related relationships

Part of project management is being able to communicate KPI in project management and other important project-related metrics in a way that demonstrates strong social skills and inspires a response.

As much as there is a need for an understanding of the PMBOK Guide, the failure of a team to deliver is not due to a lack of technical competence. It is the failure to possess and manage a range of emotional and social skills that drives a team to deliver.

The Project Management Institute suggests that for effective firms, the ability to lead the team and communicate the vision is more critical than the technical aspects of a project. While tools, processes, and PMP formulas provide structure and guidance, for many deliveries, the critical differentiator may not be the process, but the people.

You are entitled to be happy to know that emotional intelligence is not a trait, but a learnable skill. Unlike an IQ, which for the most part stays the same, emotional intelligence can improve with practice.

Start with these daily habits:

Journaling: Reflect for 5 minutes each morning on what are your emotional states, and which emotions are dominant when you start your day.

In one of your daily meetings, practice active listening and understanding, without trying to contribute.

Ask how your emotional reactions may be affecting others.

Identify your emotional triggers and responses, and describe the differences in situations that affect your emotions.

In stressful situations, practice the skill of remaining present and focus on your breath.

Emotional intelligence helps you develop the influence to lead, once you learn the frameworks from a PMP certification program.

Time Pressure Balancing with Emotional Awareness

I've spent my career building, iterating, and launching products. Throughout that time, stakeholders become intensely focused, and tensions rise. I've learned that as a project progresses, it is vital to integrate emotional check-ins and address emotional undertows.

Overly Technical Focus

Customarily, PMs that I've worked with have a technical background. Building products is where problems often have clear solutions. Building products is where problems often have clear solutions (this is known in the trade as a "stick to the facts" attitude). Unfortunately, human emotions tend to feel messy and less controllable. That's where many PMs tend to narrow their focus and only pour their efforts and feelings into tasks and timelines.

Unwillingness to Develop "Soft Skills"

Those who PM the highest profile projects often see enhanced emotional intelligence discussions as fluffy, unimportant, or irrelevant. These discussions provide focused outcomes that funnel a project to the right objectives or goals that yield enhanced project staff retention, improved and expedited problem resolution, and elevated stakeholder satisfaction.

Assess the following to measure progress in emotional intelligence development:

• Team retention counts during your projects
• Counting the speed of resolution to conflict as a measure in your project
• Evaluating your stakeholders to assess satisfaction in your project retrospectives
• Days in your project are measured by how many people have volunteered to be a part of your team
• Feedback received to measure the positivity of your project staff
• Understanding your PM salary trends and the emotionally intelligent people in your projects in order to identify leading emotionally intelligent PMs.

Low Emotional Intelligence Response: Publicly show your frustration and then question their commitment to the team. Make it awkward for everyone.

High EQ Response: Privately acknowledge the challenges, inquire to understand their reasoning, and collaborate to develop transition plans while keeping the relationship for future potential collaboration.

The difference manifests itself in the team's morale and project outcomes.

Emotional intelligence is what distinguishes project managers who simply execute projects from those who create exceptional teams that consistently overachieve project goals. It is essential to contemporary leadership.

Begin with small steps. Identify a single element or component to focus on and practice throughout the week. For example, making a pause before replying to irritating emails (self-regulation) or improving the quality of your inquiries during team meetings (empathy).

The tools and methodologies of project management are immensely valuable. They are even more valuable when paired with leaders who grasp the fundamental human factors that drive a project to be successful. Integrate your certification with emotional intelligence, and you position yourself as the project manager that everyone desires for their projects.